tossing & turning

I'm up too early this morning tossing & turning.

I am here.

Valentines day...a holiday meant to make single people feel desperate and to make couples accountable for love.

I'm hoping to avoid both of those feelings today....accountability and desperation.

I know I'm not the only single girl in the world, however it is my first v-day in four years, single.

I wish I could go back to any of those V-days.

Our trip to San fran, when we got wasted on haight street,

Our trip to visit friends that sent him on a late night adventure

A simple dinner at vin48

I know they say better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all

sometimes.... it seems like a cruel joke.

love is relative and to me it feels like a drug....I think about it everyday, I look for it in very dark places, I wish I always had it and when I get just a little bit of it, I act crazy.

I have always been starved of love...so I never really knew how it felt to be loved by choice.

This feels like the biggest lost....

worse than death, dishonesty or disinterest

I can't help but to miss him and his love today.

kreature