So in college, I had a best friend, who I truly enjoyed. She sought me out and changed my college experience.
However after college...my new life beckoned, and after making a few immature mistakes,
She wrote me off....and has yet to speak to me or contact me, other than a rude myspace message.
It is interesting, I dream of her several times in a year...
sometimes she appears and introduces me to her children, sometimes she appears in a party scene with her classic scowl.
At the moment I am losing another friend...
I guess do to this experience, I expect to lose friends.
People are not perfect, but the sense of trust is so hard to peg.
I'm losing my current friend over a few scratches on a t.v.
I think I lost my college friend over a heating bill...or something...it was years ago...I barley remember, what the issue was.
This petty sense of "I trusted you to be perfect and never fail me"
has never been part of me, people have failed me my whole life...yet I have always been forced to forgive them and move on.
which is why last night she appeared in my dream, with a scowl yet, I was please to have her sitting in a chair across from me.
It was small talk...."so how is your life?" I asked her with a smile.
She is like a ghost to me know...much like when my mother and grandmother appear in my dreams. When they appear I stop and spend time with them, because I know the dream will end.
I don't know much about her these days...yet she still see's me as the same young college kid, and we have one mutual friend....so I get updated...yet apparently she still holds a grudge.
I wonder what it is about me, that makes these friends, feel so angry over the little stuff, when the big experiences and adventures were an amazing bonding agent.
So as I lose another...it's a lesson...maybe I'll pick a better one next time.
yet, the trust does not return so easy.
Yet, in my dreams everyone is at the party and happy to see me.
kreature
3 comments:
i think i remember that scowl...
clearly these people are paralyzed by their own insecurities and can't handle the honesty in which you live your life...it can be intimidating.
i am humbled by your strength.
it is quite an experience the way people weave in and out (and sometimes in and back out) of our webs throughout time.
all paths cross for a reason, right?
I certainly wasn't there so this is just an objective comment from only what you've written in this post: In my experience, if you damage someone's property its not incumbant on the owner to give you grace. You should make it clear that you intend to repair/replace the item at their choice as soon as possible. This is just 'the right thing' to do. Since you mentioned two incidents that were similar it appears to me, an outsider, that you owe at least two ex-friends an apology and restitution for things you've done.
I understand accountability....I don't get the significance of material things.
your harsh..you remind me of someone.
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