Ding Dong....

Bitch is gone....holyshit....ding dong the wicked bitch is gone!!!

Yeah!!!

So my week of me has been great!

Yesterday I went to the hippy dip in Glenwood...bought myself a few presents and took myself out to lunch and when I returned she was gone:)!

I burnt some sage to clean out the air and my home is quiet!!!

I'm so thankful and grateful!!!

Hopefully the new young 25 year-old will behave...

kreature

SHE

SHE was going to move out Friday night!

SHE was going to move out Saturday!

SHE had better move out Tomorrow!


GRRRRR.....

kreature

Insanity

A friend defined insanity as...doing things the same way and expecting a different result.

It crawled under my skin and lived there for a few days.

I was offended and hurt that he would be so harsh...or accuse me of not doing this right.

The solution was to manifest all the things in my life to be right.

I didn't buy it, again it was back to me being accountable in every way for everything.

Like I'm not trying hard enough, thinking deliberately, or choosing the right actions.

When I really pondered it...I wanted to give myself another chance to try a different approach.

Then I pulled the rune Mannaz-The Self; The starting point is the self. The Self is required to balance the self. Nothing in excess. Be in the world but not of it. Only clarity, willingness to change, is effective now.

So I have decided to spend the next week being with myself...no bars...no going out...just being alone...I may hate it, I'm sure I will sleep a lot, but I need to be with me. Hopefully I will spend more time finding things to do...

My crazy roommate moves out tomorrow, I hope to reclaim my apartment...my new roommate is a young 25 year-old....but he should be ok.

Spring...I'm going to ease into it...

one week...next Thursday.

We will see how I do making a commitment to myself.

kreature

it is very late......don't bother.....

Oh.... goodness...godess...

i drew partnership yesterday....I found her...

she now knows my stroy...

and reacts as if she knows not

what she thinks....

hardship...emathy...compassion...

a very sweet soul...

it calms me today...

i miss you!

kreature

Too much....

I'm so exhausted....

I feel misplaced....

I blame myself....I blame the essence of me...

maybe I'm not motivated enough

maybe I'm not good enough

Maybe I'm not that cool

maybe I try too hard

maybe I'm unfocused

maybe this is when I start to go a little crazy

maybe I'm in the wrong place...again.

I just don't know anymore

maybe I need to be patient....

Gebo....the gift of partnership....hmmm ( feels a bit far-fetched today )

Another day

So I know when the song..."here comes the sun" by the Beatles puts me in tears...it's not me!

Yesterday was a miserable day...cried for half the day and slept for the other half.

The simple stresses of a shitty roommate, friends who take more from me then they give and a heart that just won't stop hurting...brings me to yesterdays madness. These days still surprise me; just when I think I'm dealing...I shut down...

Today...I want to feel numb get some drinks and hang out with the bar fly's that have there own issues...

on these days I think of my mother...the alcoholic...she i'm sure had several days that felt like this...where she just didn't want to feel. She couldn't be with her kids, she rarely had the support of her family...and really she just wanted to get by.

My challenge is how do I cruise this line between alcohol addiction and just needing a bit of relief.

It's not fair that I choose to cruise the line...but I am too single and too lonely to hide in a room, where I feel locked away, when my roommate is here.

My patience is wearing thin....as always.

Kano; The more light you have, the better you can see what is trivial and outmoded in your own conditioning.

kreature

Ides of March

Spring is coming on quickly and my luck doesn't seem to change much...

After getting with the landlord about my roommate he gave her thirty days to move...but then she rolled her vehicle and now has asked for a extension...who knows how long this could last.

She is back to her cheery self talking my ear off and testing my boundaries...and patience.

Really more lessons on patience...

I have been once again, trying to build relationships and as soon as I start to get them to open up, they surprise me with a new kind of crazy. Same crazy, different face.....really!?

However, I am spending more time riding and letting somethings bounce off a bit more.

But I am still looking for good friends and a focused purpose...maybe as I start to let go of the control. This will fall where they may....everything happens for a reason.


It is a full moon...it is beautiful and a great signal of a new cycle;

Ansuz...Signals

That what is happening is timely to your process. Consider the uses of adversity.

Interesting.....kreature