not a happy blog....

Really worst day ever!!!!

I woke up early with such good intentions...I can't even understand how things turned sour so fast.

It started with not getting a paycheck and it turned into so much more.

So the last week has been a week of work..drunks and more work!

What is it about me...that people relize really quickly how easy I am to manipulate.

Why do I have a tendency to take care of those who can't take care of themselves.

I'm pissed...I deserve so much more....

I'm tired of the smokers, drinker and pill-poppers.

I choose to pull this bullshit florence nightengale role..that people just abuse.

Yes...I am lonely...yes I wish I had someone that I could confide in...But instead...Everyone confides in me and no one takes the time to listen.....It is always about them....

Getting older sucks....I'm not as optomistic as I once was...

I don't believe for a minute...love conquers all...

I don't believe that people are willing to compromise anything for me!

I'm not worth the change and they could care less!

I have cried all day for the confidence I am losing because of the people I have trusted most...

Now I really trust no one...have no one to lift my spirits...

they are all too busy focusing on themselves

Yes...I am angry...and hurt and I'm not really sure why I need to learn this fucking lesson again!

Why do they not recognize...how much I put out there..How hard I am trying...

Really I have had enough...I want to disappear for awhile...So maybe someone will wish I was around!

Fuck off world...Karma...what have you....

I am done!

kreature

Still trying to get it right

It has been a good week...

Lots of work..I'm ending my Meet the Wilderness gig on Oct. 1st

Then starting my new Smiling Moose deli job on Oct. 1st

I love fall...but I am always afraid it is going to be over too soon.

I don't have much to say today

But I am wondering...why...

Why...

I can't figure it out today....

kreature

Really..hey kid!

Last night I spent some time at 4 eagle ranch, providing the authentic colorado experience. It left me feeling happy and glad to be in Colorado.

In high sprirts I decided to go to Joes for a beer. I ran into a few friends...yet the mexicans, drunk men and wanna be's were in full stalker mode. I had one yell hey kid to me across the bar. I thought "is he serious!" I let him know he was not so charming. And there was the toothless meixcan, who had to let me know that he was single and both my friends had girlfriends..so I was barking up the wronge tree and then he took it to an inapproriate level, but talking about sex and how my tattoo related to it. Really? I need mexican repellent...it is so old. Before the night was over...i was bullied into taking an older mans card and told to report to him about a date within three days. He was so drunk...I don't think he will even remember me..or so I hope. There was another incident, where a young buck...walked by me and ran his finger down my back...without any reason.

I can't figure it out. I have dressed to kill many nights and have been ignored. Last night I was wearing the oldest sweater I own, my hair was up server style and I (according to my standards) looked like crap.

What has happened to buying a girl a drink...having a conversation you can remember, and politely asking to see her again. Oh the bar scence is soo lame!
I'm going to spend the day looking for a place, kissing up to the SOS org. and hopefully go to dinner later. We will see....was it a full moon last night? It sure felt like it!

Kreature

It is never what it seems

It seems the moment I think things are moving in the right direction...something stops the progress. This week it is a waiting game for my new place....the new place is currenlty on hold..because they are choosing to continue to show the place to other people.

My new vehicle is starting to be a pain...it looks like I may need a new transmission (the one thing I really hate replacing cuz' it is so fucking expensive!)

And it looks as if I will be jobless from Oct.12-Nov.12....I am trying to come up with a plan...but very little is presenting itself at the moment. I have commited to 3 hours on mondays at vail rec....but that is 12 hours for the month...sometimes this valley makes me crazy.

I always wonder if this was the right move...but I'm sure it will all work itself out.

Here is hoping for the best.....

Kreature

Sunny

Good morning! Another morning spent at Star$. Today my mood is light cuz' there are no customers and we are sitting around drinking coffee and listening to music. It's an easy way to start the day.

Yesterday I started my afterschool aide job. They are all tiny 5-8 year-olds. A small group with lots of freeplay and about 30min of homework time...It is too easy!

I think I found my new place. It's an apt across the steet from my current place. I have a small bedroom, my own half bath and a porch. I think I'm gettting a good deal for 275 dollars less than what I pay now. It will mean another cycle of simplifing my life...but that is always in order!

I will be living with two low-key women who both have boyfriends, so it should be less stress and easy livin'....I'm glad.

I'm still looking for a job or plan for mid-october to mid-november...hopefully I can come up with something.

It's all gravvyy

Kreature

simple sunday

I spent the day at star$...making coffee for the picky, cheap and rude

But spent most the shift on facebook and Utube...it was chill.

I called a few places, not quite the fit yet...but oh well.

I can't decided if I want to go out this evening or stay in.

$$ is tight these days...i should stay in!

Simple sunday..count my blessings.

I compromised and spent dinner with my roomates, we had a great fall dinner and a couple bottles of wine.



Kreature

a little less complicated

This weekend I camped in the rain and hail with 30 tweens...It was a odd experience waking up to snow on the mountains ... and a bunch of cold, wet tweens.

When I returned home, I enjoyed a hot shower, a bowl of chicken noodle soup, and a four hour nap.

I would like to simpilfy my life, a bit less lofty ideas..a bit more proof of my accomplishments.

I am currently looking for a new place to live...the search has been on now for a few weeks...I'm hoping to find a place with people that will suit my needs. It hasn't been easy, but paitence is a virtue.

I start my new job as an afterschool aide, on Monday. I'm looking forward to playing with kids again.

Today I worked at star$...it was uneventful.

Tonight is another night I need to forgive myself for being a hermit...I went out to dinner with a few friends last night.

the fall blahs are coming..i'm trying to fight them...but as it gets colder, i get bluer...

love kreature

i don't want to feel like this

I'm not commuincating well...

I don't feel like explaining myself or connecting with anyone.

I feel...alone...lost...unpurposeful..again.

I'm pretty afraid to speak...anything

feel anything....be anything....

the commitment to myself is bleak.

I know it is the journey....I may be tired....

but I want to find the purpose

prioritize...my life

remember all that I am...

even though I really want to be someone else

I don't want to deal with the old habits.....

things are very temporary!

What is next....why can't I be happy with the NOW~!

goodness it may be a long week...

Love kreature

Happy Birthday to ME!

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to MEEEEEE!

This year has been a crazy one! I expected nothing less.

Hopefully I can learn, grow and create another eye-opening year!

But for now I'm going to dance and laugh and play at Harvest Fest this weekend...

The road trip starts today!

Peace, love and birthdays (my favorite!)

kreature