My sacred heart

i wandered in your alley today

your presence did not go unnoticed

make me of love, patience,courage and gratitude

white surrender asking for peace

www.mothercabrinishrine.org

Enjoying my surroundings...

A soft rain passes overhead...reminding me that the snow blows in the mountains...

I found a great prairie trail behind my hill...it passes a horse ranch with wranglers and vocal mares...

I love my surroundings it feels clean, calm and cozy...

however when loneliness takes over...there is little to do...

get out there make friends...i tell myself...but I have a few more things to do.

not ready to open myself up again...

I will take stock in the friends I have...

rune reading to come...

Golden

I find myself in my backyard watching the purple sunset...

I rush home to watch the bright moon rise over Denver...

I awake and see the red sun rising...

Welcome home again...

Livin' the dream in Golden...

weekend transeant

Back in Colorado...after a short stint in MN...
the air is fresh, it is a easy Sunday!

I hit the desert on Tuesday, for now I just sit in the light of a roof window.

Another phase begins,

kreature

only a few days to go

This afternoon I drew Ingus; beyond a new beginning, a time of completion to move on to the next step.

With only four days to return to MN, I help but take notice of where I am on this easy Sunday.

I'm calm...reflective and a little curious..about what the next several weeks will bring.

Living in a home with a lover during a Minnesota fall surrounded by friends and family.

It sounds too easy...too homey, but I bet it will feel sweet.

"Be centered and grounded, freeing yourself from unwanted influences."

kreature

couldn't figure out how to start again...

So I drew a rune...

Nauthiz;

constraint
necessity
pain

these three words do fit...my current mood.

i can not stop counting the days...

in moments i am in pain, which is an unfortunate necessity...

i can't wait to return to a minnesota fall, to be with him.

i have been turned upside down by my ankles...in love...all the pieces of my life have spilled onto the ground, now i choose which ones to put back in my pockets.

it's a great sunday morning...beautiful fall day in Colorado.

i feel loved

kreature

Sunday...

I've spent a few moments reflecting on the pace of my life these days.

It seems a bit routine these days, same people, same places, same drama.

I seem to float between both routine & disappearing into woods.

When I don't linger out of my home I feel very anti-social, yet when I take risks,
they seem to backfire.

I kinda bored of it all, right now.

Luckily, I will spend the next three weeks mostly in the woods,

So maybe I'll appreciate the routine when I return.

Eihwaz; nothing hectic, no acting needy or lusting after a desired outcome. Perseverance and foresight. Through inconvenience and discomfort, growth is promoted. This is a trying yet, meaningful time.


Hmmm,

Kreature

Processin'

I spent the last few days with my new crew at MTW...
they have a ton of new ideas and fresh eyes for the organization.
I have found that the type of people I get to work with are creative and caring.

Change is always difficult...but I see it as a good transition.
The woods embraced me, the work was difficult, I huffed and puffed up the peak, but it felt good.
I feel in love with my new light weight backpacking hammock..greatest sleep...totally beats sleeping on the ground.
I love how I feel after a trip...such a sense of accomplishment!

Speaking of accomplishment...I realize that our media is totally absorbed my MJs death...and who knows how long the frenzy will last. However...my first cassette was given to me by my father and it was MJ BAD. It does feel like I am losing a part of my childhood...even though my childhood was rocky...It is funny that I remember MJ as a part of my life in 2nd grade. How does a man in only 50 years...affect our world in the way he has. RIP Micheal.

I'm hanging in the front country until July 7th....I'll try to write more soon.

Kreature

another sunday morning...

Morning!

I have spent the last few days with MTW co-workers. They are a cool bunch of people.
It was fun to reconnect with the ones of last summer, it was easy to chat with the ones I had worked with this spring, and the new faces have new experiences and ideas.

My social circles seem to have taken an odd turn.
The drama upon returning to the valley was a bit of a shock.
I'm trying to keep them from crossing, but this is a very small valley.


So I hope to hide out for a few days,
I leave on our staff wilderness trip on thursday.
I can't wait to get back in the woods.

Today I have an easy morning, an afternoon shift at Sbucks...
and tonight I can chill at home.

Fehu; Dispossessions ranging from trivial to severe. What do I need to learn from this? Recognize where my true nourishment lies.

kreature

Last day of May...

As much as I was dreading a long week off...it was an easy week.

I took my bike out a few times, visited with friends and met a few new locals.

The weather was iffy dictating my activities.

I have a few days of work, a couple errands to run and weekend plans in Boulder and Vail.

My Sunday morning routine always seems to start off the week right.

An easy start, a little prairie home companion, a few practical moments and the rest comes easy.

Sowelu; rune of wholeness; I can of mine own self do nothing...

kreature

an oddity about men

Last night I had a dream about DJ, it hit me like a brick.

I was searching for him, in apt buildings full of beds and people.

I was stopping people and begging them...where is he where has he gone?

I think I knew he was far away, but I kept feeling that I was catching glimpses of him.

It was unsettling.

On an entirely different note,
I've decided men are like ice cream
some flavors are good, but I would not go back for seconds.
some are new & exciting, but they are usually on limited edition,
so you never know when you will get a chance to have it again.
many are great, so you can always fall back on those flavors in a pinch.
I keep looking for the one that will blow my mind!

It's been a quiet cloudy day...I have enjoyed it.

kreature

back to spring...

My return to Colorado is colored in spring...
blooming purple & white flowers on the trees
greenery everywhere.

I don't even mind the rain... it is cooling and inviting.

I slept all day yesterday dreaming of island life as if I was rejecting my return.

But today, I feel ready to embrace spring and my simple life in CO.

The cool fresh air and the eagle river outside my window has helped me ease back into my life.

The great thing about adventures is returning with a bigger perspective, however the challenge is trying to keep that perspective as open and new as it is now, because soon the reality that surrounds me will take up my thoughts.

I'm glad to be home...

kreature

hola en Puerto Rico!!!

Vacation all I ever wanted...Vacation it's time to get away!

Though mi padre can be a drag...

I took it upon myself last night to make my own fun...

and it was well worth it... a night in the ritz...a handome young new yorker...

mmm...this is a story for girlfriends!

super fun...today I spend the day near the beach

tomorrow I head to St. Thomas..

yeah....I love vacation!

kreature

Sorry..I didn't realize

A month has past.....since my last post.

The ski season is over and on a rainy Sunday like today it feels like Spring.

I have been busy, last month I earned my Wilderness First Responder Certification; it will open opportunities for camps next summer.

This summer I am sticking with the Meet the Wilderness gig....

It has already provided two weeks of work; taking forth graders to Colorado National Monument.

It has been fun hiking, climbing, camping and chasing lizards in the desert.

I still find so much joy in work where I can travel and play.

When I return home, I appreciate my life.

I have been hanging with the locals @ my favorite spot.

It is good...now I am off to Puerto Rico to visit my padre and friends in St. Thomas.

New friends have helped me a ton in the last month and old friends have reappeared.

"make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold;
a circle is round it has no end, that is how long I will be your friend!"
just a simple song that the 4th graders taught me :)

kreature

Spring yet???

So my week of self searching didn't lead to much.....

It was lonely and boring and no new hobbies entered into my week.

I feel like I need a big change.

A few days left of the season has left me feeling...displaced.

I don't want to serve another f'ing customer at Sbucks.

I don't want to spend another minute working...

I would like to know why I feel so unmotivated this week.

I'm not unhappy...I'm just a bit bored!!!

I do have big plans for the next month.

I will be camping this time next week with my spring gig...once my spring gig is up I get to travel to puerto rico to visit my padre..however...I think it would be more fun if I had a travel companion.

I have never found a true travel companion...my friend jess is pretty close...but that is beacuse she ownes a VWbus.

I'm tired of my whinning..aren't you?

Which is why even this blog gets a bit tired and a bit to much effort..

WAAAA....WAAAA...WAAAA

kreature

Ding Dong....

Bitch is gone....holyshit....ding dong the wicked bitch is gone!!!

Yeah!!!

So my week of me has been great!

Yesterday I went to the hippy dip in Glenwood...bought myself a few presents and took myself out to lunch and when I returned she was gone:)!

I burnt some sage to clean out the air and my home is quiet!!!

I'm so thankful and grateful!!!

Hopefully the new young 25 year-old will behave...

kreature

SHE

SHE was going to move out Friday night!

SHE was going to move out Saturday!

SHE had better move out Tomorrow!


GRRRRR.....

kreature

Insanity

A friend defined insanity as...doing things the same way and expecting a different result.

It crawled under my skin and lived there for a few days.

I was offended and hurt that he would be so harsh...or accuse me of not doing this right.

The solution was to manifest all the things in my life to be right.

I didn't buy it, again it was back to me being accountable in every way for everything.

Like I'm not trying hard enough, thinking deliberately, or choosing the right actions.

When I really pondered it...I wanted to give myself another chance to try a different approach.

Then I pulled the rune Mannaz-The Self; The starting point is the self. The Self is required to balance the self. Nothing in excess. Be in the world but not of it. Only clarity, willingness to change, is effective now.

So I have decided to spend the next week being with myself...no bars...no going out...just being alone...I may hate it, I'm sure I will sleep a lot, but I need to be with me. Hopefully I will spend more time finding things to do...

My crazy roommate moves out tomorrow, I hope to reclaim my apartment...my new roommate is a young 25 year-old....but he should be ok.

Spring...I'm going to ease into it...

one week...next Thursday.

We will see how I do making a commitment to myself.

kreature

it is very late......don't bother.....

Oh.... goodness...godess...

i drew partnership yesterday....I found her...

she now knows my stroy...

and reacts as if she knows not

what she thinks....

hardship...emathy...compassion...

a very sweet soul...

it calms me today...

i miss you!

kreature

Too much....

I'm so exhausted....

I feel misplaced....

I blame myself....I blame the essence of me...

maybe I'm not motivated enough

maybe I'm not good enough

Maybe I'm not that cool

maybe I try too hard

maybe I'm unfocused

maybe this is when I start to go a little crazy

maybe I'm in the wrong place...again.

I just don't know anymore

maybe I need to be patient....

Gebo....the gift of partnership....hmmm ( feels a bit far-fetched today )